Monday, May 10, 2010

The Evil Triad

In my younger days, even before I met my current squeeze, I wasn't a big meet a guy at a bar and take him home type. I either always had a boyfriend, or just never met the right guy. I did, however, endure excruciating hours of lame conversation with the wingman of the guy that my single friend would eventually take home. It went like this:
Single friend with amazing legs wants to go out.We meet up,go have dinner and are approached by two dudes doing the same. Dude one, we'll call him Gordon, because that is about all I can remember about the actual night this all happened. Gordon was basically Sam Rockwell acting like a an asshole. Same physical type but not a self effacing bone in his body. Zero charm. Everything about him said "I think I am so cool", including his big fat mouth, except that he backed it up a lot of posturing and average conversation. My "date", who I will call Jose, was cute looking and perfectly nice, but I was not interested. I had a boyfriend.I made sure he knew this so there would be no unpleasantness later like on so many other occasions. In the past, I have had the wingman get all hostile and say things like "well, you aren't that hot anyway" in response to my polite refusal of a post bar beach walk. My friend generally went home with everyone, so it got a little awkward almost every time we went out together.
Anyway, Jose and I chatted about this and that and then he revealed to me a secret that "will change the face" of his industry forever.He worked for Taco Bell, started as a taco roller and climbed up into the corporate office within a few years. He was now in marketing and the new campaign was going to be huge. He leaned in and whispered the concept: All over Europe, instead of a lone KFC or Taco Bell of Pizza Hut, there would be restaurants that housed ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Revoluntionary....really,though I had a hard time containing my total contempt for, well, every word that came out of his mouth after "Taco Bell" because it was just wrong.The whole thing was as wrong as it could be.Despite his amazing rise from the bottom to the middle, he had no concept of the terrible impact of fast food culture and how it had already ruined our country's health and was on to greener, thinner pastures. The evening was over for me,though my friend did take Gordon home. I shudder at the visual on that little tete a tete.
About a year and a half later, I remember seeing the first commercial on American televison for the Taco Bell-Kfc-Pizza Hut combo joints and wondering, if I had murdered Jose in the alley, would this still have come to pass? Did I have the chance to thwart this evil plot to destroy Europe and not take advantage of it? I will always wonder, though never inside any of those combo restaurants. I did come across this little ditty on NPR, the liberal but willing to take corporate money radio station that keeps me informed about the terrible state of things:

Well, at least something mildly amusing and really fucking catchy came out of a hideous three way that should have been shamed into walking home at three a.m,never to be spoken of again.

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