Okay, so the real reason I paid for a month of Barre classes, attended four in the first week and never returned?? why it is the same reason why I haven't been to the gym or done any sort if exercise in the last two months.And it's that very same reason why I have stiches and a slightly numb forefinger...I am possesed.
Not by anything evil, mind you.Wasteful? yes,.Frivolous? very. Criminal? not yet...I have spent the last eleven months wrestling with the darkest desires of my inner Martha Stewart.
It all began when we got this huge garage last year. It can fit four large vehicles. It is the size of the house we used to live in. Everything that was too annoying to unpack ended up in there. Things that have been schlepped for years and never really used. Battery operated Blenders for the beach ( for all of those margarita parties we plan on having at the beach...), tea sets from various grandmothers, tchotchkes glaore that I haven't bothered to part with, most of my husbands college wardrobe which he refuses to part with ( and I refuse him the closet space inside the house) etc.
I think the first event we hosted in the garage was Little's second birthday. It was March.I kept it simple.I had a very bubbly bubble person come an encapsule each little guest in their very own bubble.I ordered huge sheet cake from Mrs Beasley's( the best chocolate cake in the entire world, by the way- sorry sweet lady jane).Had fifty or so people, mostly kids, wine and happy chaos. I was compelled to cordon off the front half of the garage to mask my true disorganized slightly hoarding personality and present a clean, flowered fabric paneled version to the world. A few yards of fabric, a staple gun and a free afternoon and voila- what a lovely garage you have...!
A few months later, Big's fourth birthday would come, and I took the whole panel thing to the next level.With the help of a Disney backdrop and some paint and cardboard, I "transformed" the front half of the garage into the Beast's castle for big's Beauty and the Beast party. I spent most of my free time trolling the internet for pictures of community theater productions of "Beauty and the Beast" so I could steal their set ideas and create a complete atmosphere for the two hour party. Did I mention she was turning four? By the time she is bat mitzvahed, I will be so burned out that we will have it at Chuck E Cheese..
I invited thirty girls and their parents, bought the prettiest Belle dress that I could find for Big's big day, and contemplated forcing my husband to make an appearance as the Beast alongside the Belle that was scheduled to entertain the kids.I found ridculously cheap (and probably lead based) tea sets to give as favors( a buck a piece my friends)and culled thrift stores and ebay for demi tasse cups and teeny teapots for each girl to pour her very own lemonade into her very own real cup. My personal dream, at age four, handed on a platter to my daughter.
As for the garage,there was a chandelier, some dancing silverware( thank you dental floss), a faux bookshelf( with a combo of historically accurate titles and some funny ones to show that I am not a total freak), a faux fireplace, a painting,and pale peach colored carpet scored on craigslist. All very fifth grade play but the point got across. This was the Beast's castle, goddammit. Big was dazzled.I have a great pic of her sitting in the garage in her nightie hours before the party and just beaming.
On to the next holiday(read-excuse to mess around in the garage)ahhh....halloween. With the help of a lot more fabric, several boxes of staples and striking some ebay and craigslist gold, we had a Halloween haunted house in the garage. I made hallways of fabric and used almost everything in the back of the garage to build it. We had a hallway of miscellaneous creepiness-eyeballs, spiders, funhouse mirror, recycled bookcase and fireplace.The first scene was red riding hood, with the wolf in bed and red riding hood looking at him from the end of the bed..The second was a mad chef making pumpkin pie while two other pumpkins looked on in horror.One was vomiting.There was a hansel and gretel scene with a candy house etc. , a martian landcape and a pirate scene.
In the end, my girls were to scared to go in to the haunted house,which I find ironic considering that they helped assemble it and know exactly what it is made from.
Really fun to do but my intellectual friends look at me like I am retarded. I can tell that they are thinking "uuuhh....what is wrong with you??" but I can't help it. I don't want to have a party like anyone else's. I want it to be a unique experience for everyone, most of all my kids.And not because I am trying to show anyone up. It's just my thing...
Consequently, and this is my original point all those words ago,I am already planting the seeds of Wizard Of Oz party for Big's next soiree..I can already see a yellow brick road up the driveway,the scarecrow, the tin man, the mean trees ...all leading up to Emerald city inside the garage. I will need a whole lot of emerald green fabric and paint and stuff and it will be soo cool.....already wasting tons of time on the internet looking for ideas...send the priest,quick, before I start painting bricks on the giant yellow canvas I plan on purchasing.....this Martha demon works quickly...and she has met her match.Big announced this morning that she wants to go to a gymnatics club and have the party there, like three of her friends have done in the last month. I have some time to work on her before I start painting everything green... come on Martha demon...do your thing....possess my fucking kid already so I can get this party started...