Thursday, October 29, 2009

just call me Michael Jackson.......

Okay, so I may be the most reckless, foolish person on earth..(well, second do G.W.Bush maybe,) but today, in my frenzy to perfect my third grade attempt at a fun house for our Halloween party, I managed to cut myself, significantly-blood spurted, I cursed, went through  half a roll of paper towels and, as the outright gushing subsided( thank god I was wearing all black),I saw that I had cut a fairly deep gash across the inner middle section on my right index finger.Great.FUUUUCCCCKKK! SO STUPID!! that is what I get for multitasking.
I have a sister that is a surgeon, but I pooped her out last night with a forty five minute convo about whether to  H1n1 or not, so I went to the internet and pretty much everyone said to go to the ER.
THE ER!!?? in Los Angeles, is at least a five hour endeavor, if not longer, and fraught with peril with the parking and the diseased millions who use it as their personal GP( no judgement, but I'm just sayin')
So I call my GP (who doesn't do stitches) and thank god, they refer me to ER Utopia-( cue Angel music) The Beverly Hills Comprehensive Medical Group.
I call.Amber answers the phone, takes my info and give me an appointment for one oclock ( most docs are at lunch). It is now twelve twenty seven and I am feeling faint, but know this is the only option before I pick the kids up at 2:30. I drive to the office and realize that it is three florrs below my husband's office. In my bloodsoaked panic, I failed to note the address was the same.
As I pull in and tell my story to Israel, the valet whose wife died from breast cancer last year, I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude that this isn't worse. I go upstairs to the second floor and enter the doorway marked 250. It looks like an episode of Melrose Place.Amber is beautiful with perfect red lipstick and staright glistening hair.She takes my  info and copay immediately and has me sit on the white tufted leather seats that line the waiting room. It is all shiny and clean and totally inviting.There are no bad smells or unattractive people,clothing or scenarios here.Gone are the days of my youth spent in east hollywood free clinincs being diagnosed with vague vaginal issues that required a week long dose of flagyll and some good hygeine.The Doctors here in ER Utopia are doing their doctor thing, sashaying around like they were well paid extras.Courtney calls  my name after about six minutes and  I follow her down the hall..She tells me I did the right thing by coming in quickly. Most people wait and their fingers heal crookedly. I suddenly feel incredibly sad for the people who wait too long and have crooked fingers for the rest of their lives. Jesus Christ, the trauma alone of seeing you own blood spurting out of your body should mean a free ambulance ride to the nearest idle ER,with doctors waiting to attend to your every need. I got 6 stitches and a tetanus shot and was on my way in under an hour. I have a follow up tomorrow and will also be getting vaccinated for the h1n1 while they check the stitches,as will my kids if I want. This place is really how it should be.This is what medicine should feel like.
It was painful and scary enough to endure all of the procedures that go along with getting hurt, but it wasn't more traumatic to get it fixed that it was to get hurt in the first place.
They better fix this health care thing....they just better...ugh..off to take my Vicodin and go to bed ...oh, and I have been wearing a stupid single glove all afternoon,just like Michael Jackson.Except every time I grab my crotch and thrust into my hand ,I get this shooting pain in my finger.....

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